there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
