I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You dont lie about slip and slides
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
