finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
