Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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