Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
