I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
