What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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