I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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