I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Everclear isn't food dammit
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
