i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
