Sponge bath it is.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Randomize
