I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
