it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
