it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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