Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
