Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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