im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
