Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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