Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Randomize
