Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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