I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
