i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
