Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
