4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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