I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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