I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
