What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
