Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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