why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
splinters make it hard to masturbate
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
The air taste purple.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
