you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
