She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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