I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
