I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
