It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
