so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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