it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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