based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
