i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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