Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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