He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
