just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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