So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
