i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize