there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
