You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
how drunk are you?
Several
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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