My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
