when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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