i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
