we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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