butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
The air was thick with penises
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
its liver damage thursday
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
