Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
