drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
