just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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