Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
