just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
