Already got asked if we're dating
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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