at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
