I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
