she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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