will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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