White coat. Heels.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
