Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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