I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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